sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I just sharted jello shots
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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