How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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