i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
