Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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