this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
