I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
