I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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