I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
