Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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