I cannot find my penis.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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