ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
