omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my shit smells like andre
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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