Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We just shotgunned beers for America
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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