My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
