$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
