she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
