guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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