he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
