I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
