just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
im on a boat
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