Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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