it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
