hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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