The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
