Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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