walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wear drunk well.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
