i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
