My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
