I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
