That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
