It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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