If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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