I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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