Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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