facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did I show you my penis last night?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
