We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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