You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
