I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
bring money and cleavage
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize