He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
