ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
