I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
