I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
