Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
