I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He passed out mid-signature
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
