im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
