I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
