even my farts smell like vagina
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
