Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Randomize
