it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
