Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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