I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
