Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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