so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
