I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
