so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
