nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize