Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
