Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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