just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
