ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
