Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
