3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Couch. On fire.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
