I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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