Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
