a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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