so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
