BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
