honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize