Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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