GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They have beer where we have blood.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
