If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
