i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
