I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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