Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
