Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I would fuck him just for his dog
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
