Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
