Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
