Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize