Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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