I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
