The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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