I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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