I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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