i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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