watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
