He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
