fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i think my cat just said my name.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
